Be on Time..

Taken from Rex Barker's Joke of the Day mailer

After twenty-five years in the same parish, Father O'Malley was saying his farewells at his retirement dinner. An eminent member of the congregation - a leading politician - had been asked to make a presentation and a short speech, but was late arriving. So the priest took it upon himself to fill the time, and stood up to the microphone:

"I remember the first confession I heard here twenty-five years ago and it worried me as to what sort of place I'd come to... That first confession remains the worst I've ever heard. The chap confessed that he'd stolen a TV set from a neighbor and lied to the police when questioned, successfully blaming it on a local scallywag. He said that he'd stolen money from his parents and from his employer; that he'd had affairs with several of his friends' wives; that he'd taken hard drugs, and had slept with another woman and given her a disease.

You can imagine what I thought... However I'm pleased to say that as the days passed I soon realized that this sad fellow was a frightful exception and that this parish was indeed a wonderful place full of kind and decent people..."

At this point the politician arrived and apologized for being late, and keen to take the stage, he immediately stepped up to the microphone and pulled his speech from his pocket: "I'll always remember when Father O'Malley first came to our parish," said the politician, "In fact, I'm pretty certain that I was the first person in the parish that he heard in confession....."

Being on time is a virtue. It shows you that first of all you respect yourself and your own time, and that you take life seriously. It also shows others that you respect them and value their time. If you are a perennially late person, push yourself hard to be on time for just days --- and then see if you feel better about yourself.

Quote of the day - 30th December 2008

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
- Will Rogers

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.
- Richard Armour

The straight line promised me a destination but I was interested in a journey!

Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.
- Chinese Proverb

As long as teachers give tests, there will always be prayer in schools.
- Anonymous

"Opinions are like hand watches. Everyone's watch shows different time from others.
But, Everyone believe that their time is correct. "

Best of Late Night Shows - I

"Barack Obama is on vacation in Hawaii right now. And today many newspapers carried pictures of a shirtless Obama playing in the ocean. Did you see that? Yeah. So as you're thinking of things to be thankful for this holiday, remember, that could have been a shirtless John McCain." --Conan O'Brien

"The White House staff has been briefing Barack Obama's team on a series of worst-case scenarios that could face the country after President Bush leaves office. That's the latest. Yeah. Apparently, the absolute worst case scenario is that Bush doesn't leave office." --Conan O'Brien

"President-elect Barack Obama and his family are in Hawaii this week. To which President Bush said, 'You know, I prefer spending my Christmases right here in the United States.'" --Jay Leno

"Everyone's talking about the American auto industry right now. A new study just came out and found that the Ford Motor Company makes the cars with the highest safety rating. Of all the cars, yeah. Yeah, apparently, Ford cars are so safe because they never leave the dealer's lot." --Conan O'Brien

During the debate, John McCain sparked a controversy when he referred to Barack Obama as "that one." Afterwards, McCain said, "What — like I’m supposed to remember everyone's name now?”

Yesterday, President Bush gave a speech on the economic crisis. The title of Bush's speech: "Two More Months and It Ain't My Problem."

-Conan O'Brien

President Bush arrived in Beijing today. I don’t think he really gets the Olympics. When they asked him if he liked the decathlon, he said that he prefers regular coffee.

-Jay Leno

Quotes of the day - December 29, 2008

Of the most people who say nothing, only some are silent. - Thomas Neil

Whatever God's dream about man may be, it seems certain it cannot come true unless man cooperates. -- Stella Terrill Mann

If you always live with those who are lame, you will yourself learn to limp.--FROM THE LATIN.

Quotes of the day - 24th December 2008

I can resist anything but temptation.
-- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I

Be to her virtues very kind. Be to her faults a little blind.
-- Matthew Prior

I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time.
-- Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine, April 2003

If you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness.
-- Julie-Jeanne-Eleonore de Lespinasse, O Magazine, October 2002

Quote of the day - 23 December, 2008

Every person has a child within themselves that they want to be pampered
--Day Dreamer

Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault.
-- Dr. David M. Burns

Like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it.
-- Robbie Gass

Quote of the day - December 19, 2008

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-- Erica Jong

Change your thoughts and you change your world.
-- Norman Vincent Peale

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose. And on a more positive note, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

How much does Children cost ???

This mail is taken from Rex Barkers jokeoftheday.com mailer

Rex Barker here with, "How Much Do Children Cost?" sent to us by Dads23...

With the holidays upon us, and lots of money being spent on children, we are tempted to ask the question how much do children cost?

The US government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle-income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:

* $8,896.66 a year or * $741.38 a month
* $171.08 a week. Or * That's a mere $24.24 a day!
* Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite.

So What do You Get for Your $160,140?

* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* A hand to hold which is usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,

You get a front row seat to history to witness the:
* first step, first word, first date, and first time behind the wheel.

But most important, you gain immortality. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits; so one day they will like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!

Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren...

Quotes of the day - December 18, 2008

The great thing in this world is not so much where you stand, as in what direction you are moving.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
-- Sam Ewing

If you go in for argument, take care of your temper. Your logic, if you have any, will take care of itself.
-- Joseph Farrell

Quote of the day - 14th December 2008

The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.
-- Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine

It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
-- Al Franken, 'Stuart Saves His Family'

The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.
-- Florence Shinn

How can I make the Best of this?

Taken from Rex Barker - Joke of the day.com mailer

Most anything that happens can be useful to you, or it can set you back, depending primarily on what you make of it.

Get into the habit of asking yourself "How can I make the best of this?" For example, a few hours ago I jumped into my car to make a 10-minute run to the post office. Along the way, a large bolt became imbedded in my right front tire. Now I'm sitting in the waiting room of a tire dealer, getting the damage repaired.

I could have spent a few hours fretting about the loss of my time, and how unfair it was. And I must admit, I did spend a few minutes in that mode. But then I asked myself, "How can I make the best of this?" The answer -- get out a pen and paper and write this message.

The various circumstances in which you find yourself can serve as excuses, or they can be turned into opportunities. What's great about the time and place in which you find yourself? The answer is . . . whatever you make of it.

Its Worth it....

Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back.

"You can go," said the Lieutenant, "but don't think it will be worth it .Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away."

The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway.
Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench.
The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend.
" I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded."
"It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier.
"What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead."
"Yes Sir," the soldier answered, "but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I
had the satisfaction of hearing him say.......

" Man...I knew you would come ! "

Love @ First Sight...

Quote of the Day - 5th December 2008

One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present.
-- Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

That's the key to having it all: stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like.
-- Cindy Chupack, Sex and the City, Plus One Is The Loneliest Number, 2002

Faith....

Came across this beautiful poem this morning..

Doubt sees the obstacles.

Faith sees the way.

Doubt sees the darkest night.

Faith sees the day.

Doubt dreads to take a step.

Faith soars on high.

Doubt questions "Who believes"?

Faith answers "I".

So looking for perfect spouse ?

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married.

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl...once. I guess she was the one perfect girl...the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything...I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.

Excellence -> A drive from inside

A man once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor Making an idol of God. Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby. Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?" "No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage."

The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is the damage?" he asked. "There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work. "Where are you going to install the idol?" The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high. "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked.

The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I will know it."

**************************************************************************
The desire to excel is exclusive of the fact whether someone else appreciates it or not.
"Excellence" is a drive from inside, not outside. Excel at a task today - not necessarily for

someone else to notice but for your own satisfaction

**************************************************************************

Lessons to learn from Goose...

1. As each goose flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird behind it. By flying in a V-formation, the whole flock adds 71 percent more flying range than if each bird flew alone
Lesson: People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier when they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

2. When a goose gets sick, wounded, or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down. They stay with the goose to help and protect it until it is able to fly again or dies. Then they launch out with another formation to catch up with the flock.
Lesson: If we have as much sense as geese, we will stand by each other.

3. Whenever a goose falls out of the formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.
Lesson: If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed where we want to go.

4. When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies at the point position.
Lesson: It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership.

5. The geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
Lesson: We need to make sure our honking from behind is encouraging- -not something less than helpful.
There are constant lessons and reminders for us both as individuals and as humanity. It is up to us to learn from them and grow.

Quote of the Day - 24th October 2008

The best way to get approval is not to need it.
-- Hugh Macleod, How To Be Creative: 27, 08-22-04

Wanting to be someone you're not is a waste of the person you are.
-- Kurt Cobain

Socrates..

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.

One day one fellow met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't know if it's true or not.Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?" This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. Friend, use this triple filter each time you hear loose talk about any of your near and dear friends.

ALWAYS think before you speak. If what you are going to say is harmful, force yourself to wait an hour – and then ask yourself is it worth it. Usually it is not.

Presence of Mind..

Half A Head...

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some idiots wants to buy a half head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

What is going on here ?

A nice story I read long time back...

When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering.

I told her that it looked like a mess from where I was. As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little round hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat. She would smile at me, look down and gently say, "My son, you go about your playing for awhile, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side."

I would wonder why she was using dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view. A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother's voice say, "Son, come sit on my knee." This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset.

I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy.

Then Mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many times through the years I have looked up to God in heaven and said, " What is going on here? What are you doing?" He has answered, "I am embroidering your life." I responded, "But it looks like a mess to me down here. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?"

"My child,” a powerful voice from above said, “ you go about your business of doing My business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on My knee and you will see the plan from My side."

This is for contemplating the master plan and reminding you all we know is that we don’t know. But we do know that in the end, everything is for good. It is just our lack of understanding that makes us perceive it otherwise. So when something challenging happens, look at it from this perspective – that it is part of your growth, part of your healing, part of your reason for being here and part of the Divine plan. Then smile to yourself.

Two Wolves...

A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt.
He said, "I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart.
One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one.
The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one."
The grandson asked him, "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?"
The grandfather answered: "The one I feed."